ever have those moments when silence is an interminable sentence
and even the stereo full blast can’t drown the shame of your own being?
when agitation curdles in your stomach and jitters outwards
and if you believed in auras
yours would be a scribble of
all the wrong colors put together?
ever have those nights when your own aloneness leaves you
gasping for air so you chain
smoke so your lungs are
filled with something
even if it’s just smoke and
even though it hurts because pain
at least
is something more comforting
than your lack of connection to everything and
everyone that surrounds you?
ever have those times
when you’ve forgotten what happiness feels like
and you can’t even imagine a
good turn heading in your direction
or a purpose for being or a reason to
continue except your own fear of discontinuance?
Ever have those moments?
© Sabrina Santa Clara, 2002