I am generally the kind of woman that takes action. “Think it, plan it, do it,” is how I operate once I decide on a course of action. But in this political climate, I’ve experienced a kind of indecisiveness I have not known it my life. Historically, I don’t question my choices once I’ve decided on a course. 2024 has been a whole different beast. It has been interesting because at 59, I know my character. I know the parts of me that want to get in the way of being Self-led, so to find a new part was both surprising and uncomfortable in the way the new things can be. And if I’m completely honest, there is still a level of discomfort.

To hold steady and wait for clarity requires patience. I’ve practiced patience. I thought I knew this territory. But, 18 months of patience for clarity, waiting for Spirit to give the clear go ahead, trusting the many “no’s” that show up as indecisiveness, that has been a master level class. I know I am not alone in this – so many of my clients and friends have been sitting with the distress of “should I stay, or should I go” — and now that there is an election outcome that feels frightening and concerning to many, I’ve seen that tension and indecisiveness increase.

Here I am today on the brink of saying no to another house that has not passed inspection. Wanting to push a direction that I feel deeply called to (providing a space for more groups, community, and retreats), and having to trust over and over that if it’s not a “Hell Yes,” if there is not an expansive opening, then it’s a no. Trusting the knowingness and wisdom of my body when it contracts and knowing the sometimes subtle difference between the contraction of a scared part and the contraction of Spirit saying, “not now, my love, there is another path that is calling for you.”

If you are still scared, if the future feels frightening, perhaps you can remember with me that this is not an event horizon, my friends. We are all simply on the next level practice. How do we make friends with the unknown? How do we get comfortable with uncertainty? How do we trust, even in all this, that Spirit is alive and well, and that the path will be illuminated and the doors opened when the timing is right?

For my part, I breathe. I meditate. I write. I remember that trust is a choice. It is a verb.  Trust is sometimes an act of courage, and courage only happens when it is companioned by fear, and fear is often the response so an unknown outcome.

So, may we all be courageous. May we trust this process even in the fear and even in the unknown. May we choose to trust that there is a higher calling in all this. May we trust ourselves. May we make friends with the cycle of “should I? shouldn’t I?” May we honor indecisiveness and trust over and over again in order to build our tolerance to the unknown and our capacity for patience. And, above all, may we remember that we are in this together.